The Explosive Child Updated and Revised Edition: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children
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- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2021-10-21 06:51:15
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Ross W. Greene
- ISBN：0063092468
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Summary
A groundbreaking approach to understanding and parenting children who frequently exhibit severe fits of temper and other intractable behaviors， from a distinguished clinician and pioneer in this field。
What’s an explosive child？ A child who responds to routine problems with extreme frustration—crying， screaming， swearing， kicking， hitting， biting， spitting， destroying property， and worse。 A child whose frequent， severe outbursts leave his or her parents feeling frustrated， scared， worried， and desperate for help。 Most of these parents have tried everything-reasoning， explaining， punishing， sticker charts， therapy， medication—but to no avail。 They can’t figure out why their child acts the way he or she does; they wonder why the strategies that work for other kids don’t work for theirs; and they don’t know what to do instead。
Dr。 Ross Greene， a distinguished clinician and pioneer in the treatment of kids with social， emotional， and behavioral challenges， has worked with thousands of explosive children， and he has good news: these kids aren’t attention-seeking， manipulative， or unmotivated， and their parents aren’t passive， permissive pushovers。 Rather， explosive kids are lacking some crucial skills in the domains of flexibility/adaptability， frustration tolerance， and problem solving， and they require a different approach to parenting。
Throughout this compassionate， insightful， and practical book， Dr。 Greene provides a new conceptual framework for understanding their difficulties， based on research in the neurosciences。 He explains why traditional parenting and treatment often don’t work with these children， and he describes what to do instead。 Instead of relying on rewarding and punishing， Dr。 Greene’s Collaborative Problem Solving model promotes working with explosive children to solve the problems that precipitate explosive episodes， and teaching these kids the skills they lack。
What’s an explosive child？ A child who responds to routine problems with extreme frustration—crying， screaming， swearing， kicking， hitting， biting， spitting， destroying property， and worse。 A child whose frequent， severe outbursts leave his or her parents feeling frustrated， scared， worried， and desperate for help。 Most of these parents have tried everything-reasoning， explaining， punishing， sticker charts， therapy， medication—but to no avail。 They can’t figure out why their child acts the way he or she does; they wonder why the strategies that work for other kids don’t work for theirs; and they don’t know what to do instead。
Dr。 Ross Greene， a distinguished clinician and pioneer in the treatment of kids with social， emotional， and behavioral challenges， has worked with thousands of explosive children， and he has good news: these kids aren’t attention-seeking， manipulative， or unmotivated， and their parents aren’t passive， permissive pushovers。 Rather， explosive kids are lacking some crucial skills in the domains of flexibility/adaptability， frustration tolerance， and problem solving， and they require a different approach to parenting。
Throughout this compassionate， insightful， and practical book， Dr。 Greene provides a new conceptual framework for understanding their difficulties， based on research in the neurosciences。 He explains why traditional parenting and treatment often don’t work with these children， and he describes what to do instead。 Instead of relying on rewarding and punishing， Dr。 Greene’s Collaborative Problem Solving model promotes working with explosive children to solve the problems that precipitate explosive episodes， and teaching these kids the skills they lack。
Reviews
Robert Frank
，
Besides the occasional editorial error， this was a good learning read。 I will warn parents with kids that are “behaviorally challenged”， there is a lot to take in and a lot of work to put in。 It all depends on if you use the suggestive Plan B model。 The other hard part of this theory is actually doing it in the moment。
Alexandra Medina
，
Great ideas。 I think some of the content is a little idealistic。 However， for parents looking for new solutions after trying all the other typical advice， this is a great premise and could work well。 It will definitely be work though！
Ellen Riggenbach
，
Highly recommend！ This book should be read by every kind of educator， at all levels。 It was quick and the language and mentality of this book allowed me to implement the ideas right away。 The skills that are needed here are essential for all of us and this book shows how we can be empathetic and partners in problem solving with our kids， students， classes， and adults。
Leah Hunkins
，
An amazing and insightful resource that can transform how you approach your relationship and communication style with your child to truly solve problems together。
Kelsey
，
Wish I had read this book much sooner because it had the potential to shorten our home life turmoil。 One of our three munchkins is neuro-atypical。 I have always felt that the atypical child would be most responsible for influencing me to want to become the best version of myself and—dang it all—I was right！ We parents took the longer route that this author describes in exhaustive detail。 Changing human behavior is painfully slow e。g。 2 steps forward， 1 step back。 We’ll get there; eventually。 Hig Wish I had read this book much sooner because it had the potential to shorten our home life turmoil。 One of our three munchkins is neuro-atypical。 I have always felt that the atypical child would be most responsible for influencing me to want to become the best version of myself and—dang it all—I was right！ We parents took the longer route that this author describes in exhaustive detail。 Changing human behavior is painfully slow e。g。 2 steps forward， 1 step back。 We’ll get there; eventually。 Highly recommend this book or the 2 hr Audible version。 。。。more
Angie
，
5 stars for the technique。 I don’t really agree with the view that every struggle a child has is a “lagging skill” especially in the case of neurodivergent kids。 And although I think I understand why Ross Greene decided to use the term “explosive” to label a certain type of kid， I don’t really like it and would rather it not even be used at all。 But the overall compassionate and collaborative approach is essential， so I’m still going to give it 5 stars。
Elizabeth
，
This book seems like it might be helpful for parents of older kids （probably parents of kids ages 5 or older）; however， I’m left scratching my head as to how I can use any of the strategies with my 2 and 3 year olds。 Because the proposed “Plan B” strategy is dependent upon being able to have a fairly in depth， back and forth conversation with your child， I would recommend it only for those whose children have the language abilities required for those kinds of conversations。
Freya Dawson
，
This is a book I've come back to many times。 "Children do well if they can" is a chapter that is a "must read" for any parent with a child who can experience explosive emotions。 This is a book I've come back to many times。 "Children do well if they can" is a chapter that is a "must read" for any parent with a child who can experience explosive emotions。 。。。more
Melinda
，
I read two chapters in and had to put it down。 Like most self-help books， there is a lot of repetition in order to make a little bit of advice fill a book and then a lot of hinting that the next chapter will really have the key to it all。 It’s such an annoying way to read something that could be a bulleted list。 *Don’t take it personally*They need to build more anger management skills*See if you can meet their needs and head off the meltdownHonestly， this is just my best estimate of the advice b I read two chapters in and had to put it down。 Like most self-help books， there is a lot of repetition in order to make a little bit of advice fill a book and then a lot of hinting that the next chapter will really have the key to it all。 It’s such an annoying way to read something that could be a bulleted list。 *Don’t take it personally*They need to build more anger management skills*See if you can meet their needs and head off the meltdownHonestly， this is just my best estimate of the advice because I got too annoyed to finish the book， so maybe you’d get more out of it。 I’d just prefer to use my reading time on fiction。 。。。more
Ruthann
，
Helpful and practical。
Marija Plavcic
，
I haven’t started with the proposed method， so I can’t tell about that。 However， I appreciate the insight and new understanding of children’s behavior， I’m certain it will be useful。
mommy_book
，
Jak dla mnie - trochę lanie wody。 Same pomysły i porady w porządku， natomiast przykłady do zastosowania w życiu jakieś miałkie。 Jeżeli rodzic czy nauczyciel nie czytał nigdy żadnej podobnej książki， to pewnie będzie zachwycony。 W moim przypadku ten tytuł niczego nie zmienił ani nie zaopatrzył mnie w żadne nowe umiejętności wychowawcze。 Średniak。
Monika Gražinskienė
，
Labai tinkama knyga man， kaip mokytojai。 Suteikianti vilties prieš naujus mokslo metus。 Tėvams rekomenduočiau esant itin problematiškam vaiko elgesiui。 O mokytojams profilaktiškai labai naudinga literatūra。Pats knygos dėstymas man asmeniškai sunkiai "lipo"， bet džiaugiuosi kad radau ką "pasiimti" savo darbo praktikai。 Žiūrėsiu ar pasiteisins 🙂 Labai tinkama knyga man， kaip mokytojai。 Suteikianti vilties prieš naujus mokslo metus。 Tėvams rekomenduočiau esant itin problematiškam vaiko elgesiui。 O mokytojams profilaktiškai labai naudinga literatūra。Pats knygos dėstymas man asmeniškai sunkiai "lipo"， bet džiaugiuosi kad radau ką "pasiimti" savo darbo praktikai。 Žiūrėsiu ar pasiteisins 🙂 。。。more
Gabriela
，
That was a lot of words to say “talk to your child， ask what’s up， come up with a solution to the problem。” This whole book could have been an email。
Alyssa
，
Dnf
Heather
，
Found this in a little free library on a particularly explosive day。 It’s like it was there on purpose。 Or just lots of people in the neighborhood have similar challenges。 When I mentioned it to a few people in the mental health field they all vouched for it’s value so I decided it was worth a shot。 Just started applying the strategies， it’s a very SLOW way to solve the issues， but then again， anything fast would not last。 So far， I agree with the concept， just working on the application。
Andrew
，
Excellent book。 Highly recommend。Useful for parents of non-explosive children as well。 Useful for non-parents。 I'd expect the advice in this book works for structuring effective collaborative solutions with adults and not just children。 Use this in the workplace。Thought experiments:If I could have read only one book on parenting， I'd have been best served to pick this one。If I could read only one book of any kind in a lifetime， this book would be the one to pick。The thesis of the book is: Childr Excellent book。 Highly recommend。Useful for parents of non-explosive children as well。 Useful for non-parents。 I'd expect the advice in this book works for structuring effective collaborative solutions with adults and not just children。 Use this in the workplace。Thought experiments:If I could have read only one book on parenting， I'd have been best served to pick this one。If I could read only one book of any kind in a lifetime， this book would be the one to pick。The thesis of the book is: Children do well if they can do well。So if they're not doing well， not meeting your reasonable expectations as a parent， not thriving， it's because they can't。 In their present context。 With their present skills。It's not because they don't want to do well。 So adding incentives and rewards won't help。 They're already incentivized to do well。 Doing well is its own reward。 Adding punishments won't help either。 Doing poorly is its own punishment and they're probably already made miserable by the gap between expectations and reality。It's because they can't do well。 Probably because of lagging skills in flexibility， problem solving， adaptability。 Like any other skill （reading， algebra）， these skills come easier to some kids than others。 Some kids pick up these skills seemingly effortlessly。 Some pick them up with a lot of visible effort， through instruction， through your explaining and modeling。 And some kids don't pick them up in those ways， and so the skills lag。 That's why they're exploding。 Because they have unsolved problems they cannot solve。 Because they're unable to be flexible in the face of changes and differences from their expectations。 Because they're not adapting to the demands of their environments and situations。The solution is to prioritize and reduce your expectations （"plan C"）。 To free up capacity to focus on the most important and urgent problems， and then collaboratively address those most urgent and important problems （"plan B"）， in a way that discovers unmet needs and unsolved problems， discovers and articulates both your and your child's needs， and arrives at an agreed upon， realistic， feasible shared solution。As problems are solved， capacity increases and is freed， so some of those expectations that were deferred （plan C） can be pulled in and addressed via plan B as well。Of course， where absolutely necessary， you can still try to apply "Plan A" （impose your parental will unilaterally）。 This is appropriate and effective in true emergencies and true matters of dire safety。 Of course grab your kid and bodily haul him out of the way of the oncoming truck， don't pause to have a discussion to get him on board with that。And then have a discussion about it， moving it into "Plan B"， collaboratively observing the problem， the unmet needs， and collaboratively coming up with a feasible， realistic solution that will meet the needs to everyone's satisfaction。A key insight is that this works and is important because it teaches the lagging skills that will serve your child well for their entire life。 Empathizing with needs and coming up with shared， agreed upon solutions that meet everyone's needs will be useful， essential， to their future thriving。 Adaptability and flexibility will be essential in an uncertain and ever changing world。 These are skills your child needs long after you may no longer be available to help them directly。 So the project of parenting is to instill these skills in childhood。 And thus it is essential， unavoidable， and very desirable that you solve problems collaboratively with your child， involving them and allowing them as much agency as possible。Includes example conversations that I found helpful。 。。。more
Beth
，
Couldn't finish it。 The pace was just so slow and dry。 Seems like a series of blogs could have imparted the message but we needed dozens of imaginary conversations to fill out a book。 I enjoyed Unconditional Parenting a lot more and it's a similar message - you usually see these two recommended together when someone asks about a child with low frustration tolerance Couldn't finish it。 The pace was just so slow and dry。 Seems like a series of blogs could have imparted the message but we needed dozens of imaginary conversations to fill out a book。 I enjoyed Unconditional Parenting a lot more and it's a similar message - you usually see these two recommended together when someone asks about a child with low frustration tolerance 。。。more
Ashley
，
I found this book to be very clear， straightforward， and engaging。 It honestly seemed like the author really did understand what it's like to have an explosive child and all of the challenges that brings which was reassuring to me。 Also， the method presented here， which will take some effort， does seem promising to me and I plan to implement it。 In fact， I think it could benefit children who are not explosive as well， though it's definitely geared towards those who are。 I found this book to be very clear， straightforward， and engaging。 It honestly seemed like the author really did understand what it's like to have an explosive child and all of the challenges that brings which was reassuring to me。 Also， the method presented here， which will take some effort， does seem promising to me and I plan to implement it。 In fact， I think it could benefit children who are not explosive as well， though it's definitely geared towards those who are。 。。。more
Grace
，
Super helpful。 I want this book constantly。 It took me a while to get thru all of it。 Empathy / hear from the kidMy concernsImagine a solution TOGETHERWhere we are。 B will talk and I can hear her concerns。 My concerns are clear。 She comes up with a solution that sounds good but she can't follow through。 So we need to delve deeper。 Not giving up on this strategy。 I hope I can revisit many times， not get burnt out in the process。 Whew！ Super helpful。 I want this book constantly。 It took me a while to get thru all of it。 Empathy / hear from the kidMy concernsImagine a solution TOGETHERWhere we are。 B will talk and I can hear her concerns。 My concerns are clear。 She comes up with a solution that sounds good but she can't follow through。 So we need to delve deeper。 Not giving up on this strategy。 I hope I can revisit many times， not get burnt out in the process。 Whew！ 。。。more
Anne Brokaw
，
This book is such a quick read and provides such a life changing perspective on parenting。
Carolyn
，
Yeah， this was pretty good。 It wasn’t an earth-shattering change from our current parenting， but I thought it was a very respectable articulation of some common challenges and helpful strategies。I do note that Greene has no category for discussion of sin as a factor。 Let me think how best to put this。 I like his reframing of these explosive behaviors as akin to a learning disability， and that it should be treated as something that needs teaching and not just authoritarian doubling down—that foll Yeah， this was pretty good。 It wasn’t an earth-shattering change from our current parenting， but I thought it was a very respectable articulation of some common challenges and helpful strategies。I do note that Greene has no category for discussion of sin as a factor。 Let me think how best to put this。 I like his reframing of these explosive behaviors as akin to a learning disability， and that it should be treated as something that needs teaching and not just authoritarian doubling down—that follows true with my experience。 Yes， we DO want to help these kids grow into better and more whole adults。 But it is also my experience （and theological tradition） that people have a streak of brokenness and， yes， evil， running straight through their hearts， even the best intentioned ones。 I came away feeling that there was room for a fuller discussion of these matters from someone who doesn’t deny the role of human sin。 。。。more
Farah
，
Great readThe book really opened my eyes to what is really happening。 The examples were great and the book is clear。
Tan
，
I wish I'd found this book earlier。 It describes my child and our struggles perfectly and offers help for parents。 I wish I'd found this book earlier。 It describes my child and our struggles perfectly and offers help for parents。 。。。more
Celine
，
Good read but I read it too closely after another one that has very competing / not quite complimentary approaches。 Still a lot of sections that I’ll keep it mind and circle back to
Kellee
，
I struggle reading self-help books because I find them dull。 This had some good ideas and I liked the dialogue of example conversations throughout （but got so sick of hearing “what’s up” over and over）。
Brittany
，
Fantastic book with clear and realistic examples for how to identify a children’s lagging skills and unsolved problems and work collaboratively with them to find solutions。 I’ll be coming back to this one again and again。
Kimberly Fields
，
I thought this book made a lot of sense。 The collaborative approach to dealing with difficult questions is clearly laid out。 I think it could be very helpful in dealing with explosive children （or really， any child）。
Bronwyn
，
I don’t feel that it would be appropriate for me to rate this as much of it isn’t applicable to my situation so I can’t speak to its efficacy。 I don’t think I have an explosive child， but I do have an almost four year old， so we have moments。 The book did give me some ideas for handling situations we do have （many bedtime related）， so I do think this book would be helpful for any sort of problem you may have with your child。 （And if we do wind up having problems with our child down the line I’ll I don’t feel that it would be appropriate for me to rate this as much of it isn’t applicable to my situation so I can’t speak to its efficacy。 I don’t think I have an explosive child， but I do have an almost four year old， so we have moments。 The book did give me some ideas for handling situations we do have （many bedtime related）， so I do think this book would be helpful for any sort of problem you may have with your child。 （And if we do wind up having problems with our child down the line I’ll have a small heads up on what to do and will know better where to turn for more help。） 。。。more
Crystal G-H
，